right around now something happens to me that happens every year.
and this thing that happens usually makes me so giddy and excited
that i get butterflies in my stomach and can't think about much else.
but this year it's doing the opposite.
it's usually right around now that i start to crave autumn.
the color and sound of the falling leaves.
the smell of the air.
pumpkin bread.
soft sweaters and boots that go up to my knees.
leaving the windows open and wrapping up in a quilt.
i think i'm happiest in the autumn.
there is something so magical about the season
knowing that the holidays are right around the corner
and there is so much to look forward to.
i've never not had an autumn.
and just knowing that this year i won't...
it makes me cry.
leaves won't really fall here.
the air won't grow cool.
the beauty of autumn won't exist.
not the beauty I'm used to.
but this is where i am right now.
it doesn't matter how much i hate tampa
or complain
or cry
because that won't change anything.
it won't bring me back to nashville.
it won't bring me my autumn.
i have so much to be happy about.
i am married to my best friend in the whole world
who makes me laugh harder than anyone.
we have a sweet little home
and school and jobs ahead of us.
i have a baby in my belly the size of a pear
whose heart beats 160 times a minute
and who i am already over the moon in love with.
so yes
i might be losing my autumn this year
but i'm gaining a completely new season i've never known before.
instead of watching leaves fall i get to watch my belly grow.
instead of hearing the leaves crunch beneath my feet
i get to hear the sweet sound of my baby's heartbeat.
i think that's a pretty fair trade.
